This post is not going to be about any deals I have done or I am working on--although, I have done a few since the last post. This post is about recapturing passion. I recently turned 40 and somehow I have been thinking less and less about what I have done than what I have not yet done.
Sometimes when people ask "How are you doing?" My reply is "Just living the dream". While I am living a dream sometimes I wonder who's dream I am actually living. Dont get me wrong I would not trade my life or circumstance with anyone that I know but, still the thought of something missing gnaws at me. I have everything that anyone could want--beautiful wife and gorgeous kids. I have an amazing house and everyday I get to choose which of my 3 Porsches, Jeep or BMW motorcycle I will drive that day. BUT,,,,,what is lacking, missing or not yet full?
The funny thing is that I know what I am lacking but, even though everyday I take risks with my money I cant seem to take the risk involved to fill the hole. You want to know what I am talking about? I promise that it is simple but, its those simple things that will drive you mad. This thing I am talking about is adventure. Sailing the seven seas and climbing Everest. I know you were thinking it was something a little more mystical---a little more unobtainable but, a little adventure for me could be a dangerous thing.
I tend to be a little obessive. That may be too harsh a word -------maybe its self determined, ambitious, or single minded. I tend to see the goal and do whatever it takes to get to the goal line-----whatever it is called I have it. I get addicted to the pursuit and just like any addiction I will tune out, ignore or delete the things that get in the way of getting to the goal line. Therein lay my problem. What I need right now at 40 years old is to recapture the adventures that have always been on my to-do list. There has always been mountains that I would like to climb and routes that I have dreamed about completing. I have done plenty of routes and climbed the north face of Shasta and climbed Mt. Rainier. I have not done Denali and I have not done Aconcagua in Argentina. I would love to climb these-----so whats holding me back?
I think what is holding me back is fear-------not fear of the mountain but, fear that climbing or adventure gets a hold of me. I am scared that I will become addicted to peak or the next .........I think that is why I have stayed away from the things I loved when I was younger. I am afraid of falling in love again and ignoring everything else in my life. So--it becomes a question of blending---can a person truly cleave his passion in two equal pieces? Can a person be devoted to two causes simultaneously or does one side of the equation live on life support while the other thrives? In my case--those two pieces are my passion for adventure and my passion & love for my family. Maybe this is all mountain and molehill stuff-----maybe I wont get hooked----maybe....
Well I am going to give it a try-----this summer I am going to redo Rainier and see how it goes. I did it last about 8 years ago--I put together a team and I led the route-----this time I will probably do it the old man way and just hire a guide. I think it will be fun and a great way to rekindle the fire that use to keep me up at nights dreaming.
